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TRENDING HORROR STORY: The Kenyan UBER DRIVER picks a DEPRESSED 'KDF' ARMY OFFICER who has been working in SOMALIA "Around Nairobi One Night at gun-point"


Him: Just stop the fucking car Daniel!

Maybe it’s the way he says it that gets me to pull over at the side of the highway. I don’t have toilet paper but I have some wet wipes which he grabs, gets out of the car, walks to the back, pulls down his pants and squats. Right there in the middle of the biggest highway in the country.

He takes one long dump without any hurry or care in the world. I have my ‘hazards’ on but two minutes into his unhygienic business, I decide it might be a great idea to place the triangle on the road for safety. But the moment I step off the car, I’m hit by such a stench that I fall back inside

It takes him a whooping five minutes to conclude his business and get back inside the car. And I make a conscious decision not to have a conversation about it. But at this juncture, I start wondering whether he is crazy.

Me: Are you a soldier?

Him: Why?

Me: Just asking.

Him: You didn’t ‘just’ ask. You must have asked for a reason. What reason was it?


Me: Forget it.

I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with him being inside my car so I press the fuel pedal to the floor because I want to get to Githurai as quickly as possible and be rid of this Charles character.

Him: Why are you driving so fast?

Me: There’s no traffic. Besides, I’m getting sleepy so I need to get home quickly and sleep.

Him: Why did you ask if I’m a soldier?

Me: (Snapping) I said forget it!

Him: OK! But just so for your information, I think any man who drives an automatic car is a coward.

Me: (After witnessing him conducting his “human dignity” business in public, on the highway, I have lost my respect for him. So I have no intention of engaging him in a conversation) OK.

Him: And you sir, have a shitty car.

Me: (I am driving at 140km/h now and we’re just approaching Roysambu) OK.

Him: Have you ever cheated on your wife Daniel?

Me: I doubt that that’s any of your business.

Him: Aww. Are you sulking now because I did something you deem inappropriate?

I turn on the radio and normally I listen to Inooro FM because it is MY radio inside MY car. Currently playing is Sammy Muraya’s “Dictator”

Him: (Pumping up the volume then yelling above the song) I love this song! It makes me feel sad!

I’m surprised that he has an opinion about a Kikuyu song. I didn’t think he knows it. Then it hits me. He’s just jerking me around. So I reduce the volume and press the brakes pedal because we’re approaching another set of bumps.

Him: (Singing along) Dictator wayuni, watuire uthaka waku silaha unyarirage arume… (Dictator Wayuni, you weaponized your beauty and used it against men)

Looks like he understands the song after all.

21:08h. Githurai 45.

I pull over at the Cooperative Bank and ask him again where in Githurai he needs to be dropped off.

Him: (Seriously) I have changed my mind....
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