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When Human Resource places C0N'D0MS in office washrooms, they all vanish in an hour. But you think Nairobians are using them? Hell no!

A survey conducted by UNAIDs revealed that most new couples only use pr0tecti0n on the first two days after hooking up and then bang! they are going 'sk'in-on-sk'in' like rabbits. If you think they visited a VCT first, you are crazy. Nairobians simply hate C0N'D0MS, never mind that annually, the government distributes 180,000 pieces of free rubber 'begged' from development partners.

Here is how it plays out. She whispers, "Babe, that thing feels like a paper bag. Are you okay?" And the man she met yesterday on Facebook lies, "I am a virgin and too big for these Chinese tu-things." Never mind that last time he got tested was 2008. And before you know it, chlamydia, a bacteria or two, a nasty virus and unwanted babies are getting exchanged like no one's business.

So what exactly makes Nairobians lose their guard when it comes to S3'X? This week, we sampled some of the lame excuses that couples tinged with pride and bravado that make new lovers live by the reckless dictum, C0N'D0M come-C0N'D0M go.

1. Babe, I'm clean
This is the most common reason that people use to justify unprotected S3'X. Paul Mwangi*, a public relations officer in a leading PR firm, reveals that he uses this phrase to sle'ep with any woman he meets. "Not that I'm proud of it, but sometimes that's the only phrase that works. Somehow, every girl falls for it. I have never bothered to know my HIV status," he said.

Tracy Mongare, a fashion and design student at a city college believes that most men who use that phrase are most likely to infect you with either an STD or even HIV.

"The guilty ones are always scared. When a man feels the need to inform you that he is clean even without you questioning him, then, it's time for you to run!" says a paranoid Tracy.

2. Come on babe, ra'w is sweeter

Most couples believe that using a C0N'D0M kills the thrill. They argue it is like wearing a paper bag. Some men will argue they can't even ej@'cul'ate when the rubber is on. In effort to please the men, poor Susan will buy this line and go 'C0N'D0Mless'.

"Thrashing a woman with a C0N'D0M and leaving the bed'room smelling like a latex processing plant is not my thing. So I try and choose my women very well. Besides, you only live once and HIV now almost has a cure," Phillip Mungai, a technical officer revealed in an online questionnaire posted by The Nairobian.

He further revealed that once he sleeps with a woman without a C0N'D0M, he can never use rub'ber again. The deal is sealed.

"Ladies, you ever had C0N'D0Mless S3'X with a man and then tried to get him to use C0N'D0MS again? You can't, can you? Why? Because no man wants to do that. Once you go raw, it feels like the world just opened up and let you in on one life's greatest pleasures. Birds chirp louder. The sky gets bluer. A man's walk is a little taller and his head is lifted a little higher," said Phillip.

3. No repercussions yet? Let's do it again!
Couples who spoke to The Nairobian claimed that after having unprotected S3'X and one doesn't become preg'nant or gets infected, then, there is always that 'relief feel'. It is easy to go back to the cookie jar, again! "

I once dated this man and every time we had S3'X, I was scared of getting pre'gnant. We agreed on a family planning method just to be safe. I think I became too comfortable and it never crossed my mind he could infect me with HIV," says Ann, adding, " After doing it once with no consequence, individuals get braver or downright reckless.

He views are shared by Tom Ngao, an accountant. "I cannot have S3'X with C0N'D0MS. Common! Not at my age! I always with'draw during S3'X and when I fail to, then I ensure she swallows an emergency pill, which I always carry in my wallet," he said.

Tom's greatest fear is impre'gnating a girl. S3'Xually Transmitted diseases are not part of his fears...CONTINUE READING
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